Death to the Respirators!

Do you want the Earth to be destroyed? Does anyone? Really? Is there one single sane person on this planet that really, really wants to destroy the Earth? Of course not. But that’s not how the debate on global warming is framed: you either are for the Earth, or you are against it. You can’t have a meaningful discussion of any issue if you begin with a specious premise, such as this.
So now that we all agree that we want the planet to continue and to prosper, the real question is what to do about it. Today’s lead story at shows that Meg Whitman, a Republican running for California governor, does not believe that carbon dioxide regulation is the proper avenue to pursue. As you know by now, I concur with this position. But do not presume to infer for one second that I want polar bears to die, or rain forests to wither, or other fatal maladies to beset our dear planet. I just don’t believe that humans are all that important in global issues like this.
As noted comically in today’s Rubes cartoon at, carbon dioxide production is natural, as well as a human-caused. Not just cows, but all animals produce carbon dioxide. So what if we target animal control? What animals produce the most carbon dioxide? What type of animal is the most populous on Earth? Think about it for a moment. But don’t confine yourself to animals that you can see!
Our planet is dominated by animals that we can’t see: microorganisms. These miniscule beasts are our real enemy, contributing far more carbon dioxide to the atmosphere than humans possibly could, because their numbers swamp ours. How much do they swamp our numbers? Assuming you have a fairly normal “fecal” day, you – personally – will put close to another TRILLION bacteria into the environment. How many humans are on the planet? About 6 billion – and each puts another trillion bacteria into the environment every day! And these fecal bacteria form only a tiny fraction of all microbiological life.
These guys might be small, but their numbers are beyond comprehension: microorganisms are the dominant life form on planet Earth! They will be around to clean up our mess, if we destroy our race in some catastrophic war. Or they might be the cause of our species’ demise, through some real pandemic.
If we really want to reduce carbon dioxide emissions, let’s not waste time on taxing SUVs, or “cap-and-trade.” Let’s get serious, and engage in genocide against those villainous microorganisms! They are the main source of carbon dioxide and all the evils associated with this gas! Death to the respirators!
Who will save us from these vile beasts? Look to our Savior – the microorganism! It seems that planet Earth has survived for so long – without government intervention – because there has always been an ecological balance between carbon dioxide producers and carbon dioxide consumers. In the visible world, carbon dioxide is consumed by plants through the most common chemical reaction on our planet: photosynthesis. But as with carbon dioxide production, the microorganisms are again the dominant life form on our planet when it comes to carbon dioxide consumption.
The New Testament proclaims that “The meek will inherit the Earth.” If that comes to pass, they will inherit it from the microorganisms!

2 Responses to Death to the Respirators!

  1. avatar Reach says:

    CO2 is the gas with the largest net otuput by humans since is not only the result of our breathing, but also any type of combustion. The globe had a balance carbon cycle, with minute variations that would change over thousands of years with respect to the size of the oceans, icecaps, and the amount of vegetation, which does alter naturally between periods of glaciation and hot spells. The majority of carbon in the cycle is in some form of a sink at any given time, either in the ocean, ice, Earth, or organisms like trees and us; relatively little is in the atmosphere. Humans found a huge carbon sink in the form of fossil fuel reserves, of which every year be burn millions of tons and that excess carbon is added to a system that did not incorporate it naturally, so humans are altering the balance of the Earth’s carbon cycle, to what extent may be debatable, but to ignore the fact is ignorant.There are also other greenhouse gases produced by human manufacturing which have impacts more concerning than CO2, most of which involve chlorine. Specific heat capacities and densities of molecules alter the amount of heat an atmospheric particle will trap. Some gases are less prevalent in the atmosphere as natural carbon, but retain over 40 times the heat a CO2 particle will retain. Consider the urban heat island effect resulting from lower albedo’s in developed areas. As this heat increases, even ever so slightly, and a seemingly negligible amount of ice in the North and South melt, the overall albedo of the planet will decrease, which will feed back by increasing temperature and melting more ice. There is no debate around whether these phenomena occur in nature, rather how are humans implicated in these natural processes. The data shows that we are exacerbating natural occurrences, speeding them up by orders or magnitude in some cases. The problem is not that the Earth will implode from existence, but rather human beings will not be able to survive a global climate catastrophe. Massive extinction is a part of the evolutionary process through alterations in natural cycles and ice ages. It is concerning that we may be increasing the rate of an oncoming catastrophe to the extent where extinctions of organisms that cannot survive even a few degrees outside their normal habitat will create feedback loops that will ultimately create unlivable conditions for humans. In nature, everything is cyclic, meaning you cannot make changes without repercussions in the entire system. Evolution and adaptation occur over thousands of generations, so theoretically humans could adapt to climate change on a long enough time line, however, at the rate we’re enabling climate change, only organisms with short reproduction cycles will be able to keep up. Such as bacteria and viruses, so we can look forward to increases in disease distribution, which is already occurring with people beginning to once again lose their lives to infectious disease that was either wiped out or at least controllable in the past.What I don’t understand is how people still argue climate change without any argument what so ever. You have questioned climate change, and made conclusionary statements, but you have not made a single attempt at a rational warrant. Instead of being ignorant, try learning something real about the issue you want to purpose, get your syntax and vernacular in order, then we can have a discussion, instead of me having to slap you with knowledge and feeling good knowing that natural selection will remove you from the gene pool soon enough.

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